Most of us never thought, before coming to the Netherlands, how differences in culture could affect our lives. Now a lot of us feel the need to go deeper into this subject in order to understand the people from other cultural backgrounds. Just think about the typical Dutch custom of looking in somebody's eyes when talking to him. In a lot of other cultures it would be considered staring and impolite. When we talk about friendship and relations between people we talk about a very serious matter in life. Because all people are unique but also equal in their need for love.
At the interactive dinner and lecture, last week organized by the UT in collaboration with the Saxion Hogeschool, ITC, SMIT and AIESEC Dr. Jeanine Hermans talked about 'Friendships and Relationships in Different Cultures'. The many attendees referred to the previous very interesting evenings organized by the institutions and the topic of the lecture as the reason for coming to this evening. Asking the lecturer why she chose this topic, Mrs. Hermans, a psychologist affiliated to the University of Wageningen and an expert in working with foreign students said: 'It's my profession, it's my life' and than added: 'My husband comes from Denmark, and even if you would think that in the European context that's no big deal, there still were cultural differences we had to cope with'.
People may behave and react differently from what they actually mean. A facial expression or gesture can mean something completely different for somebody coming from another country. In some cultures for example they move their heads from left to right when they mean 'yes', while most of us find this to be the sign for 'no'. Hence, in order to create a meaningful relationship we have to understand what others want to say, we have to focus our attention on the people and try not to judge or evaluate immediately. Because 'anyone who presumes all fruits ripen at the same time as strawberries, doesn't understand anything about grapes'.
People from different cultures enter a relationship with different expectations, because what is love if not the attempt to satisfy our own needs. The relationships between humans are based on exchange, so, being together with somebody makes you become 'more'. You will use and be used but will also benefit from the relationship, whether it is friendship or of a more intimate nature.
Dutch and foreign students from almost all parts of the world came to listen to Dr. Jeanine Hermans' lecture. And they were offered a relaxing evening full of laughter and good mood, especially during the interactive exercises about how proverbs reflect the values in different cultures and wordless expressing of feelings. After the long evening everybody left for home having the feeling of 'I really understood the person sitting next to me'.
Poem
The only way of establishing respectful relationships is by learning to understand the others. This is something people knew long before our modern electronic world came into being, as it can be seen in the following poem about love by the Roman writer and philosopher Paracelsus.
He, who does not know, cannot love
He, who doesn't act, understands nothing
He, who doesn't understand, has no values
But he, who understands, he who can feel, he who knows, can love...
The more something is known, the more love will grow...
